


Lying There

by moonstone1520



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: F/M, Heavy Angst, Songfic, Unhappy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-24
Updated: 2016-07-24
Packaged: 2018-07-26 12:27:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7574023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonstone1520/pseuds/moonstone1520
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Molly has everything she could ever want.<br/>And she doesn't want it anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lying There

She lay in bed, wide awake. The twelve hour shift she recently came home from hadn’t exhausted her, nor was her lover’s deep breathing lulling her to sleep. Quite the opposite—it was making her incredibly anxious.

 

_I look at you lying there, sleeping so soundly_

She felt like she was suffocating. She quietly climbed out of bed and put on her dressing gown before padding to the kitchen for a cup of tea.

 

_Sometimes I wish I could sleep as well as you_

 

She waited for the kettle to boil, willing her heart to stop pounding and her nerves to settle. But as she heard the man in the bedroom shift in his sleep, tears sprang to her eyes and she allowed herself to succumb to the emotions she knew had been building for quite some time.

 

_And I bet in your dreaming I’m there, I look peaceful_

_And maybe you’d assume I’m lost in dreaming too_

She bent over the counter, her face contorted in agony as the tears streamed down her face. She had struggled to keep her turmoil inside for so long, it was a relief to finally let go in the darkness and silence of the flat.

 

_But despite how I try to close my eyes and join you_

_Despite how I try to hold my breath and body still_

_Despite how I try not to jolt you or wake you_

She heard the kettle begin to steam and took it off the burner before it could wake him. She forced herself to slow her breathing down and wiped the tears from her face. Reaching for a mug, she exhaled slowly, trying to calm herself back down so she could drink her tea and think.

 

_I can’t sleep. I can’t breathe. I won’t move_

_I wonder why_

She crept to the sitting room and sat in the overstuffed armchair, cradling the hot mug in her hands. Her thoughts chased each other in an endless circle, as they have for so many nights now. She didn’t want to hurt him, but oh god, was she unhappy.

_I want to sleep for decades by your side_

_But with you I’m restless, I’m running on empty_

_I’m living a life where I have compromised_

She sipped her tea as she thought about how she got to this point. How she went from being crazy about him to desperately needing to get out. She tried to pinpoint the exact moment her feelings changed, but she couldn’t. She smiled sadly at the irony of her situation: she had only learned she would be getting everything she ever dreamed of having with him, only to not want it anymore.

 

_You’d think in my sleep I’d see you in my future_

_You’d think in my dreams I’d see our kids play on the lawn_

_You’d think in my nightmares I’d be living life without you_

She exhaled and rested one hand on her stomach were a tiny life was only starting to grow.

 

_You would think, you would guess, but I can’t sleep_

_So you’d be wrong_

She’d spent years pining over him, dreaming of the day that he would finally, truly be hers.

Now he was.

She’d learned he’d been preparing to propose. And she was carrying his child.

And she didn’t want him anymore.

 

_I look at you lying there sleeping without me_

_I bet you’d never guess my restlessness just grows_

She couldn’t do it anymore. She couldn’t keep pretending that this is what she wanted.

The long, sleepless nights worrying about him.

The despair and anger she’d feel when he couldn’t fight his demons anymore and would come home high.

His brother’s constant meddling in their affairs.

His inability to put her above The Work and chasing down criminals with his partner at all hours.

How he could never learn that she has feelings that can be hurt with his cutting words.

 

_And while I want to shut my eyes and know the things you know_

 

The worst part of all of this was that she knew he loved her with a fierceness that surprised her. She never thought he would ever return the feelings she once had.

Has.

 

_I can’t sleep, I can’t breathe, I can’t move_

_How I wish I could wake you_

_I wish I could jolt you_

Her heart breaking, she stood and prepared to do what she must.

 

_I wish I could love you_

When Sherlock woke the next morning, he knew immediately that something was wrong. He gathered the sheets around him and dashed to the sitting room. On the small table in front of his chair was her keys, a note, and a positive pregnancy test.

 

_But wishing I could love you isn’t really loving…_

_I suppose_

_Xo_

_Molly_

**Author's Note:**

> The plot bunnies abound now that my show is over!
> 
> This was inspired by "Lying There" from the beautiful song cycle _Edges_ by Pasek and Paul. I was in this show a few years back and got to sing this song and it has stuck with me ever since. Since I joined this fandom, I've always thought of it as something Molly would think at some point. You can watch the amazing Farrah Alvin sing it [here](https://youtu.be/Rql49rNGHsI).


End file.
